“Ew, miss,” said the straight-A student from the table across the classroom, “No one uses condoms anymore.”
“WHAT?!” I screamed, choking on my tea. “NO!!!”
The conversation had started innocently enough. Two sweet students had lingered after school to catch up on homework and (let’s face it) flirt with each other. The topic of our school’s endless teen pregnancies came up, and I began to inquire about current safer sex practices. It was a horrific shock to realize the reality: safer sex practices are near nonexistent.
“No one uses condoms?” I hollered, then proceeded to yap my head off about the risks and idiocy surrounding that statement. “Did you know,” I finished, “That the human brain is not fully developed until the age of twenty-six? This means that any decision you make before then that will drastically alter your future (babies! STDs!) is a decision made too early.” The students only giggled. ARGH!
The next day I vented about the conversation to our school’s lone, part-time social worker. “That makes sense,” she sighed, “given the huge upsurge in Chlamydia we’ve been seeing in Boston and in this school this year.”
“Chlamydia!” I exclaimed, and purposely tromped back upstairs to my classroom.
The lesson on “Hamlet” drew to a close, and I scooted up my teacher stool and became solemn. “I have a very important announcement for these last five minutes, and I need you all to listen carefully,” I said.
“Are you pregnant, miss?” asked three kids at once. Our school is staffed by a million 20-and-30-something married women, and thus such an announcement is common.
“No,” I said. “But this announcement is related to that.” The room became nervously silent.
“It has come to my attention,” I said, “That there is an outbreak of the sexually transmitted infection, Chlamydia in our school.”
The room erupted in screams of, “EW!” “NASTY!” “Why are you saying this, miss??” Two large boys collapsed on the floor in fits of giggles.
“I bring this up,” I said, once the room was quieter again, “Because we need to protect ourselves and each other. The safest thing to do is to hold off on sexual activity until you’re older–”
“Um, NO!” said the football star.
“–but,” I continued, “If you DO decide to take on the risks entailed in sexual activity, please, please, PLEASE protect yourself and your partner. You need to be using condoms every single time you have sex, and (if possible) a second backup method such as the birth control pill.”
The students were in mute shock.
“Man, she KNOWS what we’ve been doing,” whispered one student finally. The two boys started tittering again.
The bell rang and the kids filed out of class, murmuring to each other and glancing back at me with big, round eyes.
“You’re right, miss,” one girl said as she walked by. “I don’t want a baby or a disease. I’m gonna wait and I’m gonna protect myself.”
So from whence came this rather random condom talk story? Well, I am currently eating a delicious vegetable-chicken omelet in a Thai restaurant chain called “Cabbages and Condoms” in Chiang Rai, Thailand, and the safer sex posters on the wall jogged my memory.
The awesome Cabbages and Condoms franchise has worked for several decades now to promote family planning and HIV/AIDS prevention in Thailand. Two of its slogans are:
1) We want to make condoms as easy to get as cabbages.
2) Our food is guaranteed not to cause pregnancy
The group’s efforts appear to be working. According to their literature, the number of children born per family in Thailand has decreased from seven in 1974 to a very reasonable two at the present.
Months and months after the Chlamydia speech, one of the giggling boys from my class still asks, “Miss, remember when you talked to us about condoms???”
Yes, dear one, I do– and I hope everyone in that class does, too… and has taken the message to heart!
The shocking thing about this is that it’s a big deal to talk about condoms, it should be a given and completely natural. Of course teachers should talk about it, I would imagine, as a teenager, that it’s more embarrassing to have that lecture from your parents than from someone as close as parents. Everybody has sex, sooner or later, but you dont necessarily want to pretend your parents do – hence it’s a difficult discussion to have with them.
I still don’t like to think about condoms while I eat but anything to increase awareness.
Well done!
Well said!
Okay, this is awkward. I wonder if we are going to be like that in a few years and was the restaurant’s food good? Also was the school you gave the lecture to in Boston?
Yes, yes, and yes!
This was really awkward to read. Also it was a topic many children need to have because it seems like many people are dying everyday from sexual transmitted dieseases. Great job Ms.M.
That must be really awkward for you to give the students about condoms and sex. It’s usually the parents who do it and despise doing it because they need to find the correct way to say it while not to embarrass themselves. That was so hilarious!
That was awkward. I mean, I never expected that. Enough said.
I kind of laughed a bit too. I remember last year, my E.L.A. teacher, Ms. Myers, surprisingly gave my class a little lesson on sex. We were kind of surprised, mostly because, we are only 12.
That is such a weird name for a store. Who would name their store cabbage and condoms. That is a weird and hilarious name. I learned in 5th grade about this and how are those children eveen thinking about that. EWWWW! That’s digusting.
Very nice title! It made me laugh! As for the whole story I think it’s an awesome thing what you did and I really hope the kids listened to what you had to say. It’s really important for them to know about that stuff. Good job!
I read the title and almost fell over! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This was very interesting. And I watched a movie that involved Chlamydia. A girl got blamed for giving someone that when she didn’t do anything with him..that boy was a jerk.
There’s a great TED talk on this:
http://www.ted.com/talks/mechai_viravaidya_how_mr_condom_made_thailand_a_better_place.html
Good for you for speaking honestly and openly about sex to your students! Some adults and parents find it so hard to approach the subject with their kids, which only leads to poor sex education and unfortunately, higher rate of STDs among teens and young adults. Thanks for giving info on the restaurant, Cabbages and Condoms, as well! I had seen a couple in Thailand but because of its strange name, deferred from eating there. Now that I know that they’re called that for good reason, when I get back to Thailand, I’m going to support it! Thanks and great post!
brian said…
Respect to speaking to the kids about condoms. Most would be too embarrassed to even discuss it.
November 17, 2009 7:04 PM
shannon said…
Oh Lil, let’s travel around the world and talk to kids about condoms. Um…and IUDs. Sigh.
At least you are brave enough to talk to teens about the sexy stuff. Where I went to school, it was abstinence only sex ed. Oh and creationism.
November 17, 2009 9:42 PM
Chris H said…
In BootsnAll’s early years we had a company retreat in Thailand and we stayed at a Cabbages & Condoms resort in Pattaya.
November 18, 2009 6:59 PM
Dave said…
And here I thought the restaurant name was just another silly mis-translation!
November 27, 2009 11:31 PM
Anonymous said…
i remember tht speach in class miss it was too funny to see everyones faces when you even mentioned it lol! mahn oh man it was funny!<3 ashley f<3!!!
December 29, 2009 4:48 AM