My beloved Boston from a plane... "Same Same but Different!"
Blogs are supposed to be honest, so after a bunch of weeks of trying to hide it, let’s be honest here: Things are weird.
I suppose it was to be expected, right?
You can’t just uproot your life and meander around the world for nine months, then come home and expect everything to be silky smooth.
Now, it’s not that things are bad: in fact, most things are lovely.
It’s all just… weird.
The best way to describe this dizzy feeling of being back home after so long away is the classic Southeast Asian remark: Same Same… But Different. Here’s why:
1. Social Life: When you’re 28, a lot happens in your social circle over 9 months. While I was abroad, a bunch of folks got engaged or married. Some moved away (heck, my best friend in Boston moved to China a few weeks after I came home), and others are sprinting down new paths, though they’re still in Boston. Many remain dear, dear, dear soul-mates but the fact remains, for better or worse: my whole social landscape in Boston has changed.
The gorgeous greenway along Commonwealth Ave. in Boston
Add on top of this my new online travel world chums. In the almost-year I was traveling, the online universe became the only solid home I could return back to each night, and so I became extremely attached to people I’ve never set eyes on.
When I finally met a bunch of them at the TBEX10 Conference last month, it was emotional and beautiful! But that also changes one’s social scene, doesn’t it: having friends on the computer instead of down the street?!
Part of me wishes a magic new social circle would descend, sparkling, from the heavens and make everything feel tethered again… but part of me knows this current strange aloneness is all right, and even necessary. I spent a lot of time alone when I was traveling, and it’s forgivable to embrace that a bit more before rebooting.
2. Work and Future Career Plans: It feels really good to work (and get a paycheck again!) after 10 months of living off savings and not having a single routine each day but writing. And it feels great to be an officially productive member of society! That said, when you realize it’s POSSIBLE to travel for nine months and not work, you begin to salivate a bit and scheme further possibilities.
Suddenly, you realize that a lot more life situations are doable than you originally anticipated. It’s as if five-thousand thrilling doors were simultaneously thrown open, each beckoning you to enter. You know now that you can accomplish most things you put your mind to… and so which luscious door are you going to put your mind to entering? It’s a wonderful feeling, but boy does it spin your head!
The Phillis Wheatley statue on the Comm. Ave. Greenway, so thoughtful!
Add to this the cyber-element again: In addition to my ESL teaching job here in Boston, I’m also technically working a few other jobs, by my passionate choice. First, there’s the upkeep of this blog, my baby, but there also is coordination for Boston’s awesome September 14 Meet Plan Go conference on career break travel (free registration is now open!), and fundraising for students in Ghana.
Online work is super-awesome, but also a bit lonely! I scheme to have similarly working buddies in town who can plop their laptops next to mine and silently provide solidarity.
3. All this STUFF: What is all this stuff piled in my room? I lived out of a tiny blue bag for nearly a year and was just fine. Now I’ve already sent three heaping bags to Goodwill, but there are still childhood rock collections, High Jump trophies, and lots and lots of piles of paper. Oh my! Same stuff, but I’m definitely looking at it differently.
4. Stubbornness: I was one hundred percent my own boss for nine straight months. You fill in the rest.
5. Responsibility: When I was traveling, I had to be ridiculously responsible in the sense that I was a woman, totally alone, in Asia, Latin America, Europe, and Africa, and constant altertness was mandatory for safety. But in contrast, I had a complete reprieve on other major features of adult responsibility: cooking, cleaning, driving (not that I can drive anyway), and work. Coming home, then, I’ve got to step it up in some realms (clean baby, clean!) and let it go in others (stop being such a control freak). Internal see-saw shift! Ker-thump.
Me and my dear college roommate at a recent wedding
6. Money: I spend soooo much more money each day in Boston than I ever did while traveling!
7. Bad Habits: Part of why I left the country in the first place was to get out of non-fabulous ruts. Now back home, I’m proud to say I HAVE gotten out of many of them… but alas, not all.
8. “Nice” Things and Places: After 9 months of frequently roughing it (30-hour buses without a bathroom, anyone?) I return home with a strange new lust to be around the nicer things in life.
When I left Boston I was an anti-materialistic hippie. Now I find myself strolling by the posh cafes and shops of Newbury Street, breathing the soft air as it swirls through green trees, not really buying anything, since I don’t have the money, but enjoying the easy embrace of the environment! Clearly, this phase won’t last (the hippie always returns) but it’s a shift to note.
9. Commitment: When you’re on the road, you can hightail it instantly out of any place where the scene or aura does not mesh with your soul. Now that I’m back in my beloved Boston, I can’t stop thinking: “How long do I want to be here?” or “When is my next trip?” I don’t know the answer to either of these questions, but I do know they’ll develop soon, and I’ll keep you posted!
At a recent wedding I attended, one inspirational speaker gave us the secret to happiness:
“The secret to happiness is simple: Have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.”
I’m feeling rather odd right now because every single one of those elements is currently in flux since I returned home from journeying around the world! But in the end, (of course!) I feel massively thankful for the abundance of opportunity that brings the dizziness and on-and-off lonely swirls. It’s all good, man… it’s headed somewhere great, and it’s not so bad at the moment, anyway. Just… Same Same but Different!
Yes, trying to get back into “normal” life is a very strange and awkward experience. I know many people who decided that they simply couldn’t handle life in the states and moved away (I fall into this group). Others decided that it was working that didn’t really make them happy, so they simply stopped having jobs (a buddy of mine in Thailand falls into this group). Finally, others make the slow transition back into “normal” life. What ever you ultimately do, good luck and enjoy.
Thanks! As you can see by subsequent articles, it’s turned out pretty fabulously!
I can only imagine what coming back is like, especially as I’m only just about to embark on a RTW trip. I’ve spent weeks clearing out all my crap – the trophies etc all went into a yellow ‘happy box’ to be stored in a cupboard, and pretty much everything else went to the charity shop.
Couchsurfing and MeetUp might be good sites to try out for finding new friends at home. Couchsurfing encourages regular town and city meet ups that welcome both locals and travellers, and MeetUp is usually full of all sorts of local groups like cinema goers, musicians, culture vultures etc.
Good luck and I hope you don’t feel too restless. And if you do, start saving for another trip!
Thanks for your kind comment! Since I published this article, things have REALLY turned around, as you can see from this recent recap: http://www.aroundtheworldl.com/2012/12/29/travel-writing-and-love-reviewing-a-great-year/
You will have a WONDERFUL around the world trip, will also likely have an odd readjustment period after, then get right back on your feet, better than before! So many of the good things that have happened are due to having seen the world for a year!
Oh Fab! Sorry for being a dunce, totally didn’t notice this was from 2010! D’oh! I’ve just discovered your blog and not sure how I found this entry first but anyway, glad things are going well and I’ll continue to read all your past posts now..!
Yay! Get comfy– there are over 510 articles here now!
Thanks for the article – i’m one week home after 15 months of traveling and am feeling unsettled as well. mostly i’m sad that my social circle has moved away/changed – i feel like I’m starting all over again. also, the job search process is getting me down (and i’m only a few days in to it!) – mostly because there feels like so much pressure to get another high-paying, high-stress job or I’m a failure. I definitely think it’s a very “American” approach – my friends and people I met in Europe and elsewhere approached their jobs as a necessary part of their lives but were focused on happiness and contentment instead of the number of zeros in their salary. So I’m resolved to not fall back to the same “rat race” that I escaped 15 months ago.
Anyway, thanks for relating.
Jules, thanks so much for your comment. Solidarity! After months of post-travel freakout, I finally found a job that is an amazing fit for me, and I can now definitively say that a year of travel HELPED my career and social circle… but I certainly didn’t see that when I first got home! Do be in touch, and best of luck.
I will tell you the real reason why you feel weird. It is not because of your reason but because of airplanes. Like those things are so scary. Like man are not suppose to fly. That is why every time I go on one, I sit next to my mom.
Hi,
I enjoyed this post because it is exciting to see how much travel changes you. We’ve just started a long term trip and we still can’t imagine going home. Everything is still fresh and new. However, talking with friends who have done this before there comes a time when you yearn to return to the familiar.
I like your quote about the secret of happiness. I wonder if you can find this happiness on the road or if everyone has to eventually settle down.
I’m keen to find out.
Russell
maptheplanet.org
Great post. Feel many of these things again. I’ve actually thought about writing a blog about being back home, but haven’t — because I really don’t want to piss a bunch of people off. Instead…. I’m just going to leave again.
I love the quote in your last sentence. It made me smile, and realize that happiness really is so simple.
Great post, really enjoyed reading it. I’ve only been away from home for several months, but am already finding myself longing for a coffe on Lincoln road ( Miami equivalent of Newbury
Thanks for a great read!
Great post. I’m currently going through all my stuff as I prepare to move overseas. I have been going through boxes that haven’t been opened for 10 years and I have gotten rid of half of it so far. I got stuck at the high school trophies though as well. What to do with them? Shall we make a pact? Lets get rid of them…
nice post….
hey lillie i am from india . its little painful for me after returning from my travelling .but its a different feeling like being a stranger in my hometown….
Hey Lillie,
Its Kate of MAP here, just giving you an update on our project to bring YCC to the UK. Reading this post I can really identify with the way travel completely changes you for the better, even though I was only in Ghana for three weeks. How many thousands of people from the USA and UK have discovered another side to themselves through travelling? Sadly, it seems that no matter how dedicated you are, if you are on the other side, you may never get the opportunity.
Our friends in Ghana have had all their visas denied. Essentially this is because they are of limited means so the Border Agency has decided they have no reason to return to Ghana when in the UK. How crushing must this be, especially to the adult youth workers John and Seth, to be told their lives in their home country are not worth returning to? So that’s over one thousand pounds (not sure how much in dollars!) for visa applications simply disappeared into a black hole of bureaucracy. YCC are immediately reapplying with yet more information, including payslips from jobs going back for months, school reports… its incredible how much more difficult it is when you are coming from a developing nation to a developed one rather than vice-versa.
As you can appreciate, morale is low here so apologies for a navel-gazing, moping comment. However having raised money for the project its only right that you are kept informed – maybe this even merits a blog post? (bit cheeky).
Kate
XXX
Ugghh. This is just devastating news. I can only hope that a miracle happens and the trip can happen. Those guys worked tirelessly for months trying to put this all together. This is so sad.
To my brothers. Hold your heads high. You have done every single possible thing within your power. I am so sorry for this disappointment and I wish I was there to comfort you all. There must be some sad children there as well. Do your best to stay strong for them. I know you will.
I am here for support whenever you need it.
You brother,
-Kwabla.
This is absolutely awful, and brings on tears. TERRIBLE! I have to believe that there is justice in this universe and rewards for hard work and goodness, and so I have to believe that YCC will receive its visas in the very near future.
Until then, rest assured that I (and all the many other people who adore YCC) will do our absolute best to help the effort go to fruition. I will absolutely write a post on this, once I stop crying, but I have to say that your comment summed up the stark, terrible reality all too well: injustice reigns when it comes to travel, and it shouldn’t be that way.
Thank you so much for keeping us up to speed, and we will be in touch. Sending so much love to all of you in Kingston and Sogakope!!!
For those of you who want the background information on this Ghana-U.K. exchange and the amazing students and staff in it, click here: http://www.aroundtheworldl.com/2010/06/13/help-great-ghanaian-students-visit-britain/ . And do please be in touch if you can help at all with the visa situation, oh readers!
Kate – I am Marla from Bright Star Vision. YCC is still working on it. Don’t give up hope yet. They need $2,380 US dollars total which is $140 for each of the 17 bank accounts. This money will ensure that they will return to Ghana, the land they love so much. If we all put out requests to friends and family asking people to donate to the YCC website http://www.yccghana.com/, I think we can accomplish the goal. So much money has been invested so far, and it would be a shame to forfeit it. Let us all keep positive and active to make adventure possible for these deserving students and staff. Thank You. -Dada Abla, U.S.A.
Great news for those who are following this UK-Ghana exchange drama: The Ghana students and staff were granted their visas and are set to fly to the UK this Friday!!! Hooray!!!! We’ll keep you posted!
Hey, I know what it’s like… I felt crazy even after just a week at home. I’m about to make this same transition too… should be interesting!
This is great, Lillie. Change is always a testing period. Perhaps the hardest part is seeing how friends have moved on with their lives while you were gone, but to be honest, that happens anyway, whether you’ve been traveling or not. My social circle has changed so many times in my life it’s ridiculous, but I’ve lived in Vermont almost the whole time. That’s life.
Extremely good point!!!
I really like it when people write about the transition back. Im not even half way through my RTW but Im already feeling like its going to be a difficult transition and its hear other people’s experiences.
On the bright side, there’s a lot that’s really wonderful about coming back. You appreciate things and people so much more, and you understand things on a cooler level. My travels have also really helped me in the job market because of skills, contacts, experience, and awesomeness picked up along the way. You’ll be ok!
Hi Lillie,
As I peck out this comment, I’m on at train from Dehradun to New Delhi after 2 1/2 months as a volunteer English teacher. I taught three classes daily to 11th & 12th grade Tibetan high school students in Mussoorie, one hour north of
Dehradun in the Himalayan foothills.
I’m much older, nearly 60, and in good health (with a cast iron stomach, to boot…). I’m on my way to western China where I hope to teach Tibetans again. It’s my little political statement.
I am a new English teacher and this is a career and life change. With no immediate family but a lot of encouragement from friends, I took the plunge. Plus, this recession took away any hope of finding a teaching job in California, where I’m from, or anywhere in the US, really.
It’s not my first extended trip to India or China and I’ve always lived simply, both of which are making the adjustment to this bumpy,
semi-nomadic lifestyle much soother.
As a male traveler, I found myself sensitive to how the locals might feel about my presence. My guest house in Mussoorie was immediately adjacent to two large high schools. There were always lots of students -girls- coming and going. I made a point of introducing myself to the security guards at each school. I told them who I was, where I was staying, why I was there, where I was teaching, etc. Then, I acted appropriately, of course.
At the Tibetan school, I had to prove myself in this regard. Someone at the school casually, and off the record, informed me that I was being watched about this. I never had any problems.
I could be out of the US for two years or more but I will be more stationary than you were. Thanks for your blog and your interest in sharing.
Gyurme
Gyurme, your experience sounds FASCINATING! Thank you for sharing it. Those students are lucky to have you, and it’s awesome that you took the leap to live and work abroad. So many people talk about doing it, but you’re actually diving in! Do be in touch. Again, fascinating and inspirational!
Thanks for writing such an honest post. I emphasise with so many of those things. It’s funny how you look at all your ‘stuff’ so differently. After living out of a bag you come back to so much stuff that just seems unnecessary. We hated the fact that while we had changed nothing around us seemed to – the city was the same, many people we knew were stuck in the same ruts.
We were never the same after out 1 year trip, and a year later we set out to travel again. This time we aren’t going back =).
Yeah!!!! Rock it out, Never Ending Voyage!
It’s not the environment that is different. It’s you. With all that you have experienced, it would make sense that you look at the world and your present life in a different way than ever before. It’s understandable to take awhile to sort it all out, considering you were away for 9 months.
No matter which path you take, you will bring so much more than you would have ever brought had you not taken this trip. Never forget that.
Thanks! I agree I’ve changed, but it’s wrong to say that the environment hasn’t changed. As Gray points out in her comment, things really do change, whether you stay or leave!
I haven’t read too much about how people feel after returning from long term travel so it was interesting to read this. I feel changed from every little 1 or 2 week trip I take so I can’t imagine what that feels like after 9 months. I’m still in the “can I really do it?” phase!
You can do it!
Thanks for the honest perspective of life after traveling. I still have a while before I am faced with the same situation, I won’t be hitting the road until next year. Your portrayal of your experience will definitely help me prepare for the future.
Even though I can’t speak from personal experience, I can see myself being effected in a similar way.
Thanks for the thanks! I certainly do NOT want this post to be a deterrent to those planning to travel. I wouldn’t trade my amazing 9 months abroad for anything. It was so worth it! And whatever comes your way (or mine, for that matter), we’ll be the better for our travel experience and for grappling with how it feels to return. Good luck planning your trip and be in touch!
I don’t see that as a deterrent at all, just a reality. I feel some of those things when I visit my hometown.
Lovely post.
Whenever I’ve returned from traveling (in my case, never more than a month away from home), I’ve felt a dissonance, a lack of synchronization with my surroundings. I feel like I’ve changed so much, but I’m coming back to where I was the Old Me. But I’m *not* the Old Me anymore. So I blunder about for a few days, trying to find my feet again, feeling a stranger in my own life.
After 9 months?
I think the New You has sunk deep into you.
What’s your gut feeling right now? Does this temporary routine fit you (for now), or is it going to drive you nuts very quickly?
Thanks for your thoughtful and insightful reply! I honestly can’t answer that question now because I am still figuring it out myself, but I have to believe that The Way always eventually reveals itself to each of us, and I have to hope we will be able to follow it… with flair!