In Greece, Can I Buy Man-Cave Decor for a Vegetarian?

If you’re totally baffled by the title of this article, just read on.

Research suggests that in marriage, men need a room of their own to do Man Things. This sanctuary is often referred to by the term: “Man-Cave.” A Man-Cave is the sanctuary in a shared home in which a man can be a MAN, and the lady of the house stays out.

In our house, my fiancé has a Man-Cave, and we both enjoy its presence greatly. When Colin needs some alone time (as all humans do), he retreats to his manly womb. When I have lady friends over and we want to gossip and giggle, I politely say: “Um, can you go in the Man-Cave, fiancé?” rendering the rest of the house a Woman Zone, and keeping us all happy.

Now, decor is very important in a Man-Cave. Every element must exude testosterone. When we were moving in and sorting the books on the shelves, I asked, “Which books should go where?” and Colin instructed: “All the MANLY books go in the Man-Cave!” And they did.

Unfortunately, it has come to our attention recently that the Man-Cave needs more decor. “My Man-Cave needs more swords!” declared Colin last week before I left him for nine days to travel to Greece, “or at least an animal skin or two!”

And thus I had that line ringing in my ears yesterday in Arachova, Greece, when my teacher tour friends and I entered a FUR AND SKIN store. “Should I buy Colin an animal skin rug as he hinted?” I pondered. But this raised some awfully tough quandaries:

• Is it permissible for a woman to buy decor for a man-cave? It seems paradoxical to the point of impossibility.
• If a man is a vegetarian (as Colin supposedly is), may he still have dead animals decorating his Man-Cave? Do vegetarian rules even apply in a Man-Cave?
• Is a dead goat skin worth $100? (Likely not.)

I was paralyzed with perplexity. And then, blessedly, I remembered the words of my former coach, Joel. Whenever a problem arose, Joel would calmly state: “Well, what there is to do is: ___” and fill in a proactive solution. Joel is an action-oriented man, and life improves thanks to his advice.

So I thought of Joel while gazing at the piles and piles of dead animal skins and furs, and filled in the sentence as follows:

“I don’t know whether or not to buy a dead goat part for my vegetarian fiancé’s Man-Cave! So… well, what there is to do is…” (I thought about it heartily for a moment) “…put on the fire-engine red, ridiculously fluffy animal fur vest hanging on that rack, then pose for ridiculous photos with the animal skins!”

And so I did, the glorious result of which you see in the lead photo to this article.

Dearest fiancé, the decor of your Man-Cave shall rest in your hands alone.