This article is dedicated to the 150 eighth and tenth grade Boston Public Schools students I have the pleasure of teaching this year.
I figure the odds are pretty good that some of my sweet students sometimes experience the stress that comes with the middle and high school social scene… and so it’s time at last to start unearthing the photos and stories of my OWN skinny self in 8th grade, to kick-start a deep discussion.
Bottom line: I’ve been thinking a ton about the concept of “bullying” recently, and I need your help, readers of all ages from around the world, to analyze it through your own input and stories. Without further ado, here are your discussion questions:
1. What does “bullying” even consist of? Can a tiny cruelty make a giant impact?
Some bullying is obvious: slamming a kid against the wall and stealing his lunch money, or scrawling cruel graffiti with someone’s name on desks and bathroom walls, or taunting utterances like, “You’re ugly!” day in and day out… But so much of bullying is a gray area. From my experience, so much of what hurts is almost invisible.
Recently, I mentioned to my current 8th graders that I encountered some vicious girl bullies when I was back in 8th grade, who made me feel awful, constantly.
“What did those girl bullies do to you?” asked my 8th graders.
“Um, well…” I stuttered, struggling to explain the horror I remembered, “It wasn’t exactly that they said things straight out to me, it was the way they looked at me? And the things I heard them whisper but didn’t really hear?” I fumbled. “It was tiny things to an outsider, but to me, really, it was torture!”
And as lame as it sounds, those tiny things can really make an impact on a person! So, readers, what are YOUR experiences of how you’ve defined bullying in your life?
2. How does bullying vary between countries, socioeconomic classes, and time periods?
There’s a temptation to say, “Bullying is so much worse now than it used to be, now that Facebook and texting create more opportunity for cruel words.” But really, adult readers, can’t you tell some stories about terrible middle and high school tormentors in the pre-Facebook era?
I’ve also heard implied: “Well, bullying isn’t something that happens in poor countries– they have bigger things to worry about.” Come on international readers: there’s no way that’s true. Weigh in.
And check out a statement thrown around frequently: “Rich suburbs in Massachusetts have much meaner girls than Boston Public Schools kids. They are psychological savages in the suburbs.” Hmm… I’m starting to think that bullying may look totally different in different places and times, so we may not recognize it at first, but odds are, it’s there… unless an effort has been made by those in charge to address it!
3. What about bullying among adults?
So where does it end? We could kid ourselves and say that at a certain point, things the “cool kids” say won’t bother us (even if these “kids” are 35 years old!), but that ain’t always true. If a coworker makes a non-appreciative comment about your clothes, it’s still awkward and uncomfortable. Readers, do you see adult bullying around you? How do people you know address it?
4. And now for the most important question: Students, how can we best help you keeping safe, loved, and un-bullied?
If bullying is hidden and subtle, how do we spot it? What kind of actions can a teacher, parent, or fellow student take to make the situation better?
We care about you and want you to be honored, no matter how quirky or unique you are!
Speaking of quirky and unique… let’s chat for a moment about these photos of my young and awkward self displayed here. I really had a revelation while looking through these: all my life I’ve thought that when I was in middle school, I was weird and goofy and didn’t fit in. In short, I didn’t have so much love for the memory of my young self.
But let me tell you: looking at these photos now, I truly see a kid I respect.
Why? Because, behind all those braces, that gal in those photos has a huge, happy grin. She’s out there, she’s dressed a little differently and her hair isn’t in the coolest style for the times, but… I like her! And whoever you are, however many people are sending bullying vibes your way, I want us all to support YOU in loving YOUR marvelous self, too!
Time to start commenting, readers. Remember you can comment anonymously, but if you do, please leave your age, gender, and geographical location in the name box, and please know that I moderate all comments before publishing them. (Oh, that would be ironic to have rude bullying comments on an article against bullying! Keep it positive and helpful, folks!)
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Claire Y says
February 23, 2015 at 8:20 pmMs. Marshall, you look great and pay no attention to what those other girls say. I bet they never thought that you would become a huge traveler, go to the White House, and be able to travel to different countries for free! Always stay happy and leave the bullies to fend for themselves.
Lillie says
February 23, 2015 at 8:23 pmThanks, Claire! What’s interesting is that most of the bullies went on to be very kind adults who do a lot of good in the world. It just goes to show you that people can change!
Emma B. says
February 23, 2015 at 5:43 pmI want braces now seeing how great your teeth look.
Lillie says
February 23, 2015 at 7:00 pmThey’re worth it!
Alejandro S. says
February 23, 2015 at 12:38 pmWow Ms. Marshall, you looked very different. At least now you can laugh at your bullies for all of the cool places you have been to and for even going to the White House!
Jess auerbach says
June 11, 2014 at 8:56 pmThat little lillie was the awesomest girl to be friends with! I see those pictures and miss you!
Lillie says
June 11, 2014 at 9:00 pmAww, thanks, Jess! :)
Tabitha D. says
September 29, 2013 at 10:02 pmWow, Ms. Marshal! Is that really you in those pictures?
You look a little bit different, but not much.
Kelly E. says
September 29, 2013 at 8:57 pmI think that the girls who bullied you should feel ashamed. Nobody should be treated differently because they don’t look the same. I also like how big you are smiling in every picture. You look really happy.
Xander says
September 29, 2013 at 8:46 pmThat was so sad. I appreciated that you wrote that story from your heart and to help us understand that bullying is not ok and is a very horrible memory.
Lauren says
September 29, 2013 at 6:28 pmNever listen to a bully because if you listen, then they have power over everything. This article really helps us understand the true meaning of a bully. Thank you for sharing!
Milan W. says
September 29, 2013 at 3:05 pmThis article was very inspiring to me because I know so many people that have been bullied. Through my life(so far) I don’t think I have ever bullied anyone. I was always the nice one and that led to me becoming a “doormat”. I’ve been bullied verbally and it made me feel so helpless. But unlike a lot of victims, I stood up for myself. I haven’t been bullied since then.
Now that I am in middle school, I try to stand up for others even if I don’t know them. I admit, sometimes it’s hard not to be mean to others that don’t like you. Your article was truly inspiring and I hope it can change any bullies that could be reading it.
(Btw I’m 12)
zaineb says
September 28, 2013 at 10:27 pmMs. Marshall this story of your childhood is very shocking. I really don’t know why girls would laugh at you, you’re very pretty. P.S: you rock in braces.
Shantary says
September 28, 2013 at 3:14 pmMs. Marshall can I just say that you do not look any different then you are now. I can connect to this because I was bullied last year because I had an allergic reaction to a cream on my face so I had like white spots on my face and this one boy kept calling me “MANCHAS” which means stains and I didn’t get down on myself. Instead I ignored him like he didn’t even exist! So eventually he stopped and that is my advice to anyone getting bullied, IGNORE THEM!
Gernell says
September 28, 2013 at 2:51 pmYou know what Ms. Marshall I think you are an inspiration to kids everywhere! Also, I think ALL of the kids who bullied you back then should eat their words because if you ask me, I would say that no matter how quirky you were back then you’ve grown to be a great teacher and a beautiful woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Breatney B says
September 27, 2013 at 7:30 pmMs. Marshall I can’t believe this story. In school, to me you seem like one of the most confident role models I ever had. You are able to write story about your embarrassing child hood and I don’t think your goofy at all. Those bullies in the past should be jealous of all your confidence and potential and I bat that If they were to read this story in their head they would say “wow I wish I was her friend, she’s been half way around the world.†No matter your race your clothing style or background you will always be unique and the best teacher.
Grace M says
September 27, 2013 at 5:43 pmI know bullies and I know why they bully. In the end it’s because hurting others makes them feel good and also they are hurting inside. The best thing to is to just plain out ignore them and so they know they are wasting their time. All the stuff they say isn’t true and chances are they were thinking about what to say the day before! Crazy right!
P.s So sorry that happened to you Ms. Marshal:( and sorry to who ever is mean enough to bully you. I’m sorry to everyone who gets bullied!
John R. says
September 27, 2013 at 12:44 pmMs. Marshall,
I liked how you explained your life deeply and how hard it felt to be bullied and made fun of. I use to feel that way at my old school, too. But now, you’re a teacher, you’re pregnant, and what all of those bullies said doesn’t matter! :) :) :)