Join This Discussion to Uncover the Heart of Bullying!
This article is dedicated to the 150 eighth and tenth grade Boston Public Schools students I have the pleasure of teaching English to this year.
I figure the odds are pretty good that some of my sweet students sometimes experience the stress that comes with the middle and high school social scene... and so it's time at last to start unearthing the photos and stories of my OWN skinny self in 8th grade, to kick-start a deep discussion.
Bottom line: I've been thinking a ton about the concept of "bullying" recently, and I need your help, readers of all ages from around the world, to analyze it through your own input and stories. Without further ado, here are your discussion questions:
1. What does "bullying" even consist of? Can a tiny cruelty make a giant impact?
Some bullying is obvious: slamming a kid against the wall and stealing his lunch money, or scrawling cruel graffiti with someone's name on desks and bathroom walls, or taunting utterances like, "You're ugly!" day in and day out... But so much of bullying is a gray area. From my experience, so much of what hurts is almost invisible.
Recently, I mentioned to my current 8th graders that I encountered some vicious girl bullies when I was back in 8th grade, who made me feel awful, constantly.
"What did those girl bullies do to you?" asked my 8th graders.
"Um, well..." I stuttered, struggling to explain the horror I remembered, "It wasn't exactly that they said things straight out to me, it was the way they looked at me? And the things I heard them whisper but didn't really hear?" I fumbled. "It was tiny things to an outsider, but to me, really, it was torture!"
And as lame as it sounds, those tiny things can really make an impact on a person! So, readers, what are YOUR experiences of how you've defined bullying in your life?
2. How does bullying vary between countries, socioeconomic classes, and time periods?
There's a temptation to say, "Bullying is so much worse now than it used to be, now that Facebook and texting create more opportunity for cruel words." But really, adult readers, can't you tell some stories about terrible middle and high school tormentors in the pre-Facebook era?
I've also heard implied: "Well, bullying isn't something that happens in poor countries-- they have bigger things to worry about." Come on international readers: there's no way that's true. Weigh in.
And check out a statement thrown around frequently: "Rich suburbs in Massachusetts have much meaner girls than Boston Public Schools kids. They are psychological savages in the suburbs." Hmm... I'm starting to think that bullying may look totally different in different places and times, so we may not recognize it at first, but odds are, it's there... unless an effort has been made by those in charge to address it!
3. What about bullying among adults?
So where does it end? We could kid ourselves and say that at a certain point, things the "cool kids" say won't bother us (even if these "kids" are 35 years old!), but that ain't always true. If a coworker makes a non-appreciative comment about your clothes, it's still awkward and uncomfortable. Readers, do you see adult bullying around you? How do people you know address it?
4. And now for the most important question: Students, how can we best help you keeping safe, loved, and un-bullied?
If bullying is hidden and subtle, how do we spot it? What kind of actions can a teacher, parent, or fellow student take to make the situation better?
We care about you and want you to be honored, no matter how quirky or unique you are!
Speaking of quirky and unique... let's chat for a moment about these photos of my young and awkward self displayed here. I really had a revelation while looking through these: all my life I've thought that when I was in middle school, I was weird and goofy and didn't fit in. In short, I didn't have so much love for the memory of my young self.
But let me tell you: looking at these photos now, I truly see a kid I respect.
Why? Because, behind all those braces, that gal in those photos has a huge, happy grin. She's out there, she's dressed a little differently and her hair isn't in the coolest style for the times, but... I like her! And whoever you are, however many people are sending bullying vibes your way, I want us all to support YOU in loving YOUR marvelous self, too!
Time to start commenting, readers. Remember you can comment anonymously, but if you do, please leave your age, gender, and geographical location in the name box, and please know that I moderate all comments before publishing them. (Oh, that would be ironic to have rude bullying comments on an article against bullying! Keep it positive and helpful, folks!)
The author, Lillie Marshall, is a 6-foot-tall National Board Certified Teacher of English, fitness fan, and mother of two who has been a public school educator since 2003. She launched Around the World “L” Travel and Life Blog in 2009, and over 4.2 million readers have now visited this site. Lillie also runs TeachingTraveling.com and DrawingsOf.com. Subscribe to her monthly newsletter, and follow @WorldLillie on social media!
Wow! This story is very inspirational. It really helped me understand the big problem that bullying has. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It was truly an honor and great pleasure to read. Oh and by the way, you look exactly the same!! You were so pretty in the eighth grade. Anyway, thank you for this very inspirational story.
Ms. Marshall, your article was very interesting. I would have never guessed you experienced bullying before.
I think that this is an interesting story about bullying. I liked how it was about real people.
Wow, amazing. I never knew you ot bullied. I kind of thought you were always pretty! And you had short hair? How did it grow that long? Amazing story Ms. Marshall. I hope it didn't affect you too much.
I graduated from 8th grade in 1963. Perhaps since it was so long ago, I just do not remember well. We were always taught to say something nice if you were going to say anything at all. This applied even to strangers. My mother came from a large family, and she always said,"Be kind to everyone, they could be a relative." So I was and still am. I compliment every chance I get. Growing up in that environment, bullying was not as common as it seems to be today. Perhaps a way to lessen bullying is to promote greater kindness.
So interesting! Thank you for sharing!
Unfortunately, bullying is very prevalent in schools in Japan, where I used to work. The saddest form I heard of was that kids from schools in Fukushima were being bullied in their new schools after they were evacuated because of the nuclear radiation. Bullies would make fun of them & not talk to them because they made them feel like "the untouchables" because they spread false rumors that they were infected with nuclear radiation, would die from radiation poisoning or die of cancer. Heartbreaking when those kids had no choice as to where their parents lived or that a tsunami wiped out a nuclear power plant miles from their homes.
That's terrible! I had no idea about that!
I believe that bullying has become a bigger problem nowadays . I heard that getting bullied is a big impact on your life.If someone bullies you, you can never forget it. This is cool how you let us see what you used to look like back then and how little things can make people get emotional and think of it as bullying even if its as joke some people take it the wrong way.
Glad you connected with the ideas in the article!
This article is really powerful and really deep. It makes a lot of sense. When the unfortunate event of bullying happens to me, I go to my friends and my parents. My parents always say it is like water on a ducks back, it just rolls right of.
So glad you have good support from friends and parents!
Wow! You wore braces. I also agree with you that bullying has gotten worse.
Wow Ms. Marshall!!! I can't believe you wore braces!!! You look the same as you did back then!! This article really helped me understand how bullying is such a big problem in the U.S.A.
Thanks!!
Bullying is so complex and some kids are bothered more than others by it. I think when bullying is many incidents on a daily basis it does the most harm. I had a discussion with a group of grade 8 students a number of years back and was surprised to learn that they didn't see their bullying behaviour as an issue. Lesson to me was that the adults around our young people need to name the behaviour as bullying or bystander or up stander so students can begin to recognize what they are doing that supports or stops bullying.
So true!
I hear kids say, "I am only kidding"...well, we then have a little chat about how what is said can definitely affect a person even when the person laughs it off. Read "Letters to a Bullied Girl", it has letters from all ages, from the bullied, the bystanders and former bullies. I use it for awareness and in helping guide kids to be Upstanders. Our communities are as safe as we make it...so be an Upstander. There are more non-bullies out there in the world than bullies, and we need to stop allowing it to happen.
Thanks for the book suggestion!
It is REALLY interesting to see my teacher eighteen years ago.
The first section about what bullying is was super powerful. When I am upset about something someone did and I'm talking to my friends or my parent about it, it's really hard to pin point what that person did. Bullying for the most part isn't traditional pushes and shoves, it's glaces and actions.
Wow! I never knew that you had braces or that you were bullied.Nobody likes bullies.They make people feel like they don't mean anything to the world,but they do.I am sorry to hear about that,but at least it is over and you can live a normal life.
I didn't know that you were being bullied, oh how awful. I've been through a situation such as this one. You look really pretty now and then and practically the same except for your braces.
Sometimes it is difficult to know the difference between harmless jokes amongst friends and when it has crossed the line to bullying. Thanks for sharing your story and views.
The discussion of bullying often starts with the statements of, "You know the obvious kind," and then talks second about the more subtle kind. However, I think this kind, the one that has been with us all along, is the one most expressed in cyberbullying. Sure there are the equivalents to locker slamming, but there are many more derivatives of the slight look, the coordinated clothes, the anonymous notes and more. These are the arsenal of the backstabbing bully, and they work well online. I also don't label these strictly on gender lines as I have seen them both employed by both genders during my time as a student and as a teacher. Certainly, girls who use more blatant physical methods often get more severe punishment than boys, but they do it nonetheless.
As a fifth and sixth grade teacher, I worked hard to create a health curriculum that ran all year, focused on identity, conflict resolution, and communication among many other things.
I don't have any answers to how to stop it in general. Each instance I have been involved in has been very individual. From the times in middle and high school when I was the target of knives and bricks to seeing my own students be bully, victim, bystander, and ally.
Kudos to you for posting this and creating a forum for people to share their stories. That in the end may be one of the most powerful tools to combat bullying because its power relies on people not speaking out.
Huge thanks for your thoughtful comment, Dan!
I never knew that adults bully. I thought most people will become mature and will stop the bullying. I think that bullying is very hurtful. But it is really easy to get rid off. You just have to ignore them and they will stop picking on you. I really like this article.
I didn't know you were bullied, but you should know that you are the coolest teacher ever. I agree with what you are trying to express. I'm glad you are willing to help people who are being bullied.
Thanks, Herbert!
It hurts everyone! I have been bully, but who hasnt? My point on bulling is that it is kinda silly. Mostly because the whole point of bulling to a bully is to make themselves feel better. I really don't get how kids don't see that words can stay in someones mind for awhile. Bulling hurts everyone.
:( This article made me kind of sad. It hurts me to see innocent people get hurt. After reading this I feel motivated to make a change. :D
I like your pictures! The reason I like them so much is that you seemed very happy, even though your had bullies yourself. I agree with Annabella, you don't look much different.
Wow! Ms. Marshall, you look so much different now! I'm sorry to hear that you were bullied. No one should be treated that way!
I can't believe that those photos are you! Within the article I can feel the exact same way. I would feel scared after seeing someone whisper behind my back, or just be a little #@$&% to me. I have gone through the same thing you have. I now realize that I'm not alone here with someone who understands what I go through every day. This isn't just fro extra credit, it's for letting you know that I go through the same thing. Now that I'm not alone, I feel more confident with myself in what I should do about it.
-Thank you,
Anthony Englert
I like your toothy grin! It's so cute and you look so different today than before! :D I never knew you had braces and they look very pretty. What color were the rubber bands on your braces?
You looked cute in your eighth grade performance. I would have never guessed you had braces if you did not post the pictures up. Are you the oldest in your family? I know you have a younger brother, but where would you get hand me down clothing?
Yes, before I had braces, my teeth made a pointy outward V shape! I am the oldest in my immediate family, but the hand-me-down clothes would come from older cousins, neighbors, and family friends.
Oh My Goodness! Ms.Marshall , you had braces before !? I thought your teeth were just naturally straight ! (:
I've faced be bullied before. Sadly, it lasted for a couple years. It wasn't like mean, rude things. It was that other girls chose other people over me, and ignored me like I was nothing to them. Bullying is such a big issue these days.
Ms. Marshall this article is very deep. You do not look any different from now and then, except your braces. :)
In my point of view, you look really different from before and now. At first, I didn't even recognize you.
Ms. Marshall,
All of the articles I have read of yours are very touching. This one stood out to me most. I agree with everything you mentioned. As soon as I read the section where you mentioned most bullying is invisible, I totally agree. I know there are so many people out there that bully, and I have even witnessed. Still, I feel the kind of bullying that hurts the most is the kind others don't even notice as they're doing it. They don't realize until it happens to them. Then, they regret every bit of it. Soon these bullies will grow up, or maybe they never will, but no doubt, they will regret it and want to beg for your forgiveness. The mature way to deal with bullying is to ignore it, they may think your scared, but you and i'm sure many other will know you're just being mature.
Sorry for the long comment, but bullying really gets on my nerves and people just need to understand. :)
I showed my grandmother your pictures. I could tell it was you even without reading it. It looks like you but different from now. And I sometimes see how others bully others. It scares me how people can be so cruel. An old friend of mine used to be bullied and me and my best friend told a teacher because she would say such negative things about HERSELF. She said horrible things but she thanks me now. I would hate if someone saw me as a bad person. But now look at how successful you are!
Thanks for this thoughtful comment. I would love your thoughts and your help on how to eliminate bullying at our school! It's such a huge issue!
I'd be happy to help any day.
My name is Emma and I am the researcher of a 60- minute documentary for MTV International about bullying called Bullied. The film will explore the universal experiences of young people across the globe who have fallen victim to bullying. The plan is for the documentary to be filmed by the contributors themselves and will highlight their personal stories; this is very much the victim’s story in the victim’s own words.
We are looking for people roughly between the age of 14 and 24 to take part in the documentary and if anyone is interested please do send me an email at [email protected].
We will of course ensure the welfare of all who appear in the programme as we realise the potentially sensitive nature of the subject. We will obtain parental consent where necessary and will be on hand to offer support throughout the project. If needed a psychologist will be available to help determine whether it is suitable for certain individuals to take part in the project.
Many thanks
Emma
Emma, thanks for making contact! What an important topic for a documentary. I invite anyone who read and responded to this article to contact Emma!
Hi Lillie,
Thanks so much for commenting on our message. I wondered whether you could help us spread the word in other countries apart from the US. We are contacting charities and agencies, as well as schools and individuals who may have posted something on the Internet, but if you have any contacts in places such as Africa and would be willing to put my contact details forward, then I would be greatly appreciative.
Do email me at [email protected] if you would like some more information.
Many thanks
Emma
I will spread the word, as well as put up a short post on my other site, http://www.TeachingTraveling.com which connects teachers around the world.
That was really deep. Most people are afraid to admit that stuff even when they are adults. I's something most people don't even talk about. For you to have to go through all of that and still see yourself for you and a great person is incredible. Even myself I don't like to talk about certain things. You're a true inspiration Ms. Marshall!!
I like the way your article relates to real life experiences for all people. I believe that everyone has experienced bullying in one way or another. Wether their the one being bullied or the one bullying others. Some people might not even know their being a bully and that their words are hurting others. I think this article can help people become more aware of the things they say and do.
Ms. Marshall, it must be very hard for you to face those bullies. I think the bullies usually bully the smart people who are smart but afraid to tell anyone. If I saw someone being bullied, I don't think I will have the braveness to tell the bullies to stop, but I will definitely going to get someone to stop it. I really feel bad for the ones being bullied.
~Huabao
Oh my gosh, these pictures are adorable!
It's true that over time, bullying has become a HUGE issue not only for
kids, but adults too. I guess it either has to do with family factors, individual factors,
or school factors. No matter what the case is, I don't think anyone should ever be
bullied or put down.
LAUGHING OUT LOUD! Those pictures of you are adorable :) but on a serious note bullying now-a-days is getting extreme. Facebook, Twitter and any other social networking doesn't make it easier. I think its so sad when people abuse people, physically and mentally, that’s what bullying is. It's abuse. The thing that I find most interesting is those that are bullying others always have some skeletons in their closet as well. I hate that. I hate how we, as a society, can be quick to judge others on their flaws but don’t think twice about ours. Its ignorant and naïve. That’s why me personally, I try not to judge others. I am not saying I am a saint or anything, obviously I might have a negative opinion about someone but I keep it to myself, because the way I see it my opinion shouldn’t matter to others and other peoples opinion shouldn’t matter to me.
The difference between when bullying now and before is that now everyone seems to bully. The people who get bullied end up bullying people under them to increase their own self-esteem. It's really sad. I mean, I can't say I haven't done or said anything to someone that might hurt them, but it happens to me also. I just have a way of not letting it phase me.
"Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke."
-Benjamin Disraeli